Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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