dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
