Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
