I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
