Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
