I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
