At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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