You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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