i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
