addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
