He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
