I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
