I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
