Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
