I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
honey bunches of taint.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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