i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
