Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
