Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
