I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
