is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
