I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
