booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
