Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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