Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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