pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
