The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
