I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
