paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
