yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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