She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
