Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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