apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
