i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
