So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
