I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
