I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
