I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
