One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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