u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
