who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
