You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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