I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
