Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
