Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
