I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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