hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
