im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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