i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
