from now on my penis is your penis
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
