you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
